Read all about it right here! The crazy goings-on at Abu Dhabi Wankers' Camp ... er, sorry - Abu Dhabi Women's College!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

When HR turns PR

The latest advertisement for suckers to join the HCT farm reads more like a sly piece of marketing-speak that is trying ever so hard to pull in the punters. Just have a look at this...

Our departments are filled with faculty who are adventurers and modern thinkers, who seek both stability and new horizons, who want to make a difference, and are able to reward themselves in the process. It is an environment that both desires and produces excellence.

The truth, of course, is the exact opposite, especially at ADWC, also known as Stalag 41012. If any new arrivals come with the idea of being an 'adventurer' or a 'modern thinker', he/she'll be brought down to Earth very swiftly and sharply by the dull hand of the current oppressive management regime. Such an environment produces no excellence at all, but excessive conformity and a tired fear of losing your job for the merest wrong step.

One of the main bastards behind current moves to stifle all individuality at ADWC is a loathsome old dragon commonly known as 'The Claw'. This aberration of a woman, who is instigating her own reign of pettiness and spite, actually glories in the antiquated and hilarious double-barrelled monicker of Christine Luscombe-Whyte, and she is proving to be as popular as the proverbial rat-sandwich.

For example, one of her ideas was this - teachers' attendance is being monitored regularly to ensure nobody is arriving a few minutes late, or slipping away at one minute before the official approved departure time. In pursuance of these noble educational aims, a large uniformed Gestapo-like presence stalks the corridors every morning, noting down every teacher who is not in his/her designated classroom at the starting time of each class. Why this should be necessary now, when it has not been for the past 20 years, has not been disclosed. But 'The Claw' knows, I'm sure!

To date, several teachers have been sent warning e-mails for not being in the right place at the right time, despite having valid reasons, such as attending to a student outside the class and such. But 'The Claw' accepts no excuses. So, despite teachers having some 15 years of experience at ADWC, these competent faculty members are now being treated like sheep who need herding. Great idea!!

Even worse, if you want to leave the college campus during working hours, your supervisor's permission is needed. The teachers can't be trusted, you see - 'The Claw' knows all their tricks, and will work devotedly and ruthlessly to impose her system of workplace tyranny!

The students have also become victims of the spiteful Claw too, now having to swipe in when they enter the college. And of course, if they swipe in late and their teacher doesn't mark them as arriving late, guess who cops it?! Teachers have also been threatened with the sack if their students are caught eating in the classrooms - an excellent way for the management to intervene in the teacher-student relationship, and one that will clearly return great educational benefits!

In short, the whole thing it's absolutely surreal - treating professional teachers like factory workers. So, is it any real wonder that a block has been put on teachers requesting transfers to other colleges? Soon there'll be nobody there at all, except the management wankers themselves, unless they can persuade a whole busload of gullible newbies to come and submit themselves to this sort of oppressive treatment.

So, if you have been offered a place at ADWC, do the sensible thing and turn it down.

Coming next: 'The Claw', in pictures and in all her glory!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

There's NO Escape!

The latest news to creep out from the labour camp known as ADWC is that a moratorium has been put on ALL transfers out of the college. This is to prevent the apparent hemorrhaging of teaching talent that has taken place, and would have been likely to continue.

How strange that SO many teachers would want to move from ADWC - especially from the English Department. Could it possibly be that Dimbo the Supervisor has finally managed to alienate ALL of his highly-esteemed teachers?! Or has Miss Piggy finally waddled right off her cake-laden trolley?!

So, if you were expecting to move to another college soon, forget it. You're stuck at ADWC until your wise superiors decide otherwise! And that's definitely final.

The only other option, of course, is to quit - which is EXACTLY what many faculty members have chosen to do recently, especially since the arrival of the odious specimen of management excreta known as 'The Claw'.

Well done ADWC management - you'll have the place totally empty in a year or so!!